If you haven’t read “Meet Briana” yet, go back and read that first. It gives a more comprehensive picture of my journey.
If you’re reading this, you probably already realize you need some help.
Whether it is cultural clashes, political upheaval, rivalry and discord with teammates, or something traumatic that has happened in your life, missionaries face immense pressure every day – pressure to perform, pressure to meet needs, pressure to love everyone all the time no matter what, pressure to get the “job” done, pressure to evangelize, grow churches, disciple and much much more, all the while with the expectation of a smile on your face and joy in your heart. Nations, cultures, and teams are broken because people are broken. People are broken because we have unresolved, festering emotional pain.
As mentioned, I served overseas the better part of 5 years and I have experienced the joys of ministry as well as the anger, frustrations, guilt, shame, loss, fears, insecurities…
What I didn’t realize at the time was that my experiences on the mission field were not the problem; the problem lay in my childhood – the unresolved pain of rejection, feeling unloved, and craving value through performance.
I have been amazed by how, after letting Jesus heal pain of not meeting other’s expectations, I have been free from those expectations and pressure and have so much more joy in serving and loving others because I am living out of the wholeness of who God created me to be rather than the person I thought I had to be. We all have our own stories, our own individual pain from our past, and about 70% of what you’re reacting to as an adult finds its roots in your childhood.
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…The answer is not to dig your heels in deeper and study harder and become a “better” missionary or person. The answer is found in a heart-to-heart connection with Jesus, a connection that involves your emotions and not merely your intellect.
It’s one thing to believe in Jesus; it’s another thing entirely to know Him from a deep, vulnerable place inside of yourself. I grew up praying, reading my Bible, doing all the “right things” and still completely missed the relational aspect of Christianity. I’m discovering I’m not the only one.
No shame. No condemnation. I don’t care who you are or what you have done, Jesus offers redemption, healing, forgiveness and freedom.
He himself declared that this is why he came: to bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim liberty to the captives, open the prison to those who are bound, comfort all who mourn, to give oil of gladness instead of mourning… (Isaiah 61). Most people don’t believe freedom from pain, addiction and depression is possible but Jesus did.